When I was growing up, my father made it abundantly clear that children are meant to be seen, and not heard. Coupled with him only giving me praise when I made an accomplishment or hit some sort of goal, I learned at a very young age that in order for me to be worthy of love and praise, I would need to perform, achieve, and gain outside recognition in terms of society deemed accomplishments. When I wasn’t making visible outward achievements on a regular basis, I would be called names like lazy, or asked if I was an idiot because I had come home with a C grade instead of an A. I was told on multiple occasions my dad's Mcdonalds order “because I would be flipping patties” and he was looking forward to buying a new car with my college tuition since I wouldn't be getting into school, anyway.
Another way I was taught to not allow myself to be seen was by my father choosing my wardrobe for me up until I was in high school, making sure my clothes were baggy, not a lick of makeup in sight, and that my hair was pulled back and away from my face. This engrained 1. That vanity or any sort of outward pride and appearance was ‘bad’, and 2. That my body, and form of expression was not my own. He would also constantly do things like pinch my stomach and point to my stepmothers 6 pack, telling me I had “work to do”. I was 9.
All of these childhood experiences gave me extreme body dysmorphia, disordered relationship around food and my body, and completely destroyed my self worth as it was tied to outward appearances and achievement.
I share this with you not to derive pity, but to share what my very first memories and internal dialogue was like. I had deep layers of self hate ingrained into me from ages 4 and onward that I had to unravel, sift through, and reprogram (and am still working on, til this day).
It took years of therapy, hundreds of hours of self love practices, practicing boundaries, reading tons of personal development books, and pushing myself to grow and love myself far beyond what I used to believe was possible for myself before I started to develop into a woman that felt comfortable and safe in her own skin, in her own body.
In my own way, speaking my truth and telling you about my journey, posting photos that make me smile or make me feel empowered even if they may be deemed ‘risque’ to others, and choosing my own path has all been a very real part of my healing and self discovery journey.
I had to learn to use my voice, to feel comfortable being 100% myself and express that for years before I was able to love myself so fully and so compassionately, that it didn’t matter what internet troll or ‘friend’ or random family member thought of or said about me or my path because I am good with me.
That has been so freeing. Being able to be so authentically my own, that no outside influence will dampen that love or acceptance that I have for myself.
My dad gave me a gift. Because he did not give these things to me and I had to find them in myself for myself before I could give them to others- compassion, extreme acceptance of others (especially their differences), the willingness to show up for myself and others and hold radical space, the ability to look someone who’s in the pain and love them through it,- led me to become not only a self-healer, but a guide and healer for others, too.
I had no idea that when I began healing from the inside out, the profound effect it would have on my community and the humans I work with in a coaching capacity.
The years of work, self care and love, education, and personal development I gleaned from healing then became the building blocks to build the path for others to do the same.
You never know how your light will illuminate the way for others to step onto their own unique and incredible journey.
I now recognize that by stepping into my own power, expressing myself in any way that feels good and authentic to me, becoming as successful as I can, being as loud and as opinionated as possible, showing up bravely and unapologetically to take up space- I have and will continue to give other people permission to do the same.
The inner critic that ran my internal world for so long, that kept me small and fearful aand in pain was wrong.
I am so much more than a kid who survived an abusive childhood.
I am more than my past of disordered eating and self-harm.
I am more than my multiple suicide attempts.
I am more than a college drop out.
I am a leader. I am a self healer. I am a fighter. I am a guide and a coach for other leaders. I am a 6 figure earner. I am a sister. I am a bisexual, woman of color, who burned her own unconventional path in the world and continues to do so.
And I’m not sorry if my self-love and success- love and success that I fought tooth and nail for- upsets or activates you.
Because I am only just getting started. I would love it if you would join me in that.
If you are wanting to do the work necessary to heal, and move into your next level, set up your free 30 minute discovery call.
Let’s take you to your next uplevel.
In love and light,
Meet Paige, CEO of Inspired Paige, LLC. Paige has developed a highly trained muscle for building energetic bodies best used for living high velocity and fulfilling lives! Her love of healthy living and all-around wellness is contagious and inspires her clients and social media followers to kick butt and take names in their own lives!
When she isn't coaching clients on how to live their healthiest lives, she can be found hanging with her dogs, practicing Muay Thai, podcasting with her sister, and traveling the world.
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